God at the Center: Building a Marriage on the Apostle's Doctrine

There is no shortage of advice about marriage in the world today. Books, podcasts, talk shows, and social media all promise the secret to a lasting relationship. But the believer is not left to guess. God, who spoke in times past by the prophets, has in these last days spoken unto us by His Son, JESUS CHRIST (Heb. 1:1-2). And the same Word that brought the heavens and the earth into existence (Gen. 1:1-31) has already told us how a husband and wife are to live together.

At Christian Ministries of the Apostolic Faith Church, we hold the New Testament Scriptures as our final rule and authority. That is not a slogan we reserve for Sunday morning. It governs the home just as surely as it governs the church house. If the Apostle's Doctrine is our standard, then it is the standard for how you speak to your spouse at the kitchen table, how you handle money, how you settle a disagreement, and how you pray together before the lights go out.

Marriage Is a Covenant, Not a Contract

From the beginning, God ordained that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined unto his wife, and the two shall be one flesh (Gen. 2:24). JESUS CHRIST Himself repeated this truth and added a warning: what God has joined together, let not man put asunder (St. Matt. 19:4-6).

A contract is an arrangement of convenience — it lasts as long as both parties are getting what they want out of it. A covenant is something else entirely. It is a binding commitment made before God, and it holds when feelings run high and when they run cold. The Scripture says marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled (Heb. 13:4). God does not treat your marriage as a small thing, and neither should you.

Christ Must Be the Head of the Home

Paul writes that the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church (Eph. 5:23). Notice carefully what that verse is actually saying. It does not hand a man authority to rule as he pleases. It gives him a pattern to follow — and the pattern is JESUS CHRIST, who did not lord over the church but gave Himself for it.

A home with Christ at its head looks different. Decisions are brought to prayer before they are brought to argument. The Word settles disputes that pride would keep alive. Both husband and wife understand that they are not ultimately accountable to each other — they are accountable to God, who sees everything that happens behind closed doors.

If Christ is not the head of your home, something else is. It may be money, family opinion, work, or self-will. Whatever sits in that seat will shape your marriage.

What the Scripture Requires of a Husband

The instruction given to husbands is heavy, and it is meant to be. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Eph. 5:25).

That is the measure. Not "love her as much as she loves you." Not "love her when she deserves it." Love her the way Christ loved a church that was undeserving, and who proved that love by sacrifice.

The Word goes further. A man ought to love his wife as his own body, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it (Eph. 5:28-29). Paul also commands husbands not to be bitter against their wives (Col. 3:19), and Peter instructs husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto her as unto the weaker vessel — and gives a sobering reason why: that your prayers be not hindered (I Pet. 3:7).

Read that again. A man's treatment of his wife can affect his standing in prayer. You cannot mistreat your wife on Saturday and expect an open heaven on Sunday.

What the Scripture Requires of a Wife

Wives are instructed to submit themselves unto their own husbands, as unto the Lord (Eph. 5:22), and to see that they reverence their husbands (Eph. 5:33). The world has taught this generation to hear that word and think of something demeaning. Scripture does not present it that way. It presents it as order — the same order by which Christ Himself submitted to the will of the Father.

Peter adds that a wife's conduct carries its own power. A husband who will not obey the Word may be won without a word, by observing the chaste conversation of his wife coupled with fear (I Pet. 3:1-2). The adorning that matters is not outward — it is the hidden man of the heart, a meek and quiet spirit, which in the sight of God is of great price (I Pet. 3:3-4).

A godly wife is not weak. She is a woman whose consistency preaches to her household every single day.

What We Owe One Another

Beyond the instructions given to each, the New Testament sets a standard for how believers treat one another — and that standard does not pause at the front door of your home.

Be kind and forgive quickly. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice; be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you (Eph. 4:31-32). Most marriages are not destroyed by one great sin. They are worn down by a thousand small offenses that were never released.

Do not let the sun go down on your wrath (Eph. 4:26). Unsettled anger is an open door, and the enemy will walk through it.

Guard what you say. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying (Eph. 4:29). Words spoken in a moment of temper are remembered for years.

Prefer one another. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another (Rom. 12:10). Render unto each other the affection that is due (I Cor. 7:3).

Be patient. Charity suffers long and is kind, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (I Cor. 13:4-7). If you want a portrait of what daily marriage requires, it is written right there.

Pray Together and Stay in the House of God

The early church continued steadfastly in the Apostle's Doctrine and fellowship, in breaking of bread, and in prayers (Acts 2:42). That is the pattern for a household as much as for a congregation.

JESUS CHRIST promised that if two shall agree on earth as touching anything they shall ask, it shall be done of His Father which is in heaven; for where two or three are gathered together in His name, He is in the midst (St. Matt. 18:19-20). A husband and wife praying together are the smallest congregation in Scripture — and the promise still covers them.

Worship together. Read the Word together. Bring your marriage under sound teaching, so that you both grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ (Eph. 4:15).

When the Marriage Is Struggling

Every marriage passes through seasons. If yours is in a hard one, hear this plainly: do not carry it alone, and do not carry it only to friends and family who will take a side.

Bring it to God in prayer. Bring it to the Word. And bring it to your pastor. God set ministry in the church for the perfecting of the saints and the edifying of the body of Christ (Eph. 4:11-12) — that includes helping households stand. There is no shame in asking for spiritual counsel. There is only loss in waiting too long.

A Final Word

A marriage built on feelings will only stand as long as the feelings do. A marriage built on the Word of God has a foundation that outlasts every storm, because it rests on JESUS CHRIST Himself, the chief cornerstone (Eph. 2:20).

Put God at the center. Treat one another according to His Word and not according to your mood. And keep pursuing excellence in your home until excellence is achieved.

Christian Ministries of the Apostolic Faith Church — Erie, Pennsylvania. If you or your household need prayer or pastoral counsel, we invite you to reach out or to worship with us.